Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
