the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Your cock deserves a montage
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
