The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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