let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
