ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
