I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
