We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
