Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
two words...techno handjob
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
