Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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