Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
