i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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