totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Randomize
