So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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