every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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