Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
