i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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