Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize