everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize