Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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