I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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