okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
