looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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