I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
