I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
