Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
