When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
