The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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