Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
