No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
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Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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