Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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