I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
