shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
