like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
