Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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