why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
two words: eviction party
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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