We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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