Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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