if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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