just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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