ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
