How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
