Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize