What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
