can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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