Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
