some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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