I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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