I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
