Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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