I'm lost and stupid without you.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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