I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
