i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
