When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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