I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
