Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
