I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!