You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
