never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
