It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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