I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
