I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
