i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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