dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
