Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
