I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
A bitchslap is in order.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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