So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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