this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
