New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize